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Posts Tagged ‘Short Story’

writing_11235489264I had been writing for quite a long time when i met him. And my writings i could say were good enough. I mean good in a way to catch/influence things…good in a way to flow with/dance with the words…good in a way even to get praised by some.

On the contrary he had no hands in writing, even in reading. He was not writing anything (almost anything) except a few lines rendering that he was fine. Similarly, he was  reading nothing (almost nothing) except my long writings to (for) him.

After long time one day he suddenly confessed that i was a better writer than himself. At that time such a confession had surprised me as made by someone who was almost a non-writer/reader. And that particular confession had kept me satisfied for a long duration.

However, another day at the end of the story (which in books and movies usually means after he left me and went to on his own way marrying another girl) i noticed that was not true and i came to know he was a better writer than me since he wrote my fate/future in the way he wished for!

Now you tell me who is a better writer? Me or him?

P.S.: Phew…first short story of 2012 after a long interval…Anyone out there among old friends?!

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Dear ‘E’,

It has been quite long since we last heard from each other, or since our eyes touched each other, or since our fingertips felt the same cold on our faces, or since our lips met for the last time…

May be this is the reason i penned down this letter…to stop making sentences starting with ‘since’ and to replace it with ‘again’ like we are good friends again. Again it is my birthday and you forgat it again or you pretended to forget. I don’t know which would be more painful.

Remember…in the first year we met we had a huge celebration with an imaginary party and a cake too because of the distance between the time and the place (not between the hearts). The next year after that when we had already killed certain emotions, you had wished me with two lines zipped into a soulless mail. And the next year after that you were covered under silence and only replied my mail asking ‘where you have been’ with one word which was ‘sorry’. And the next year after that you even did not bother to reply back…

Dear ‘E’, i know sometimes it is hard to remember certain things but other times to forget. Now i don’t know again which has been sad for me…the fact that you forgat my birthday or you never tried to remember it?!

Heartbeat to heartbeat we survived for sometime and heartache to heartache our relation died…

Love,

‘H’

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Time changes everything, everyone, every mind, every heart, every face, every look, every word and every world, except mine!

The relation between us was not initiated officially, we were never officially-declared lovers, and in the same way the relation between him and me did not come to end officially either. No one declared but both sides were aware it was over. An abrupt end.

However, in my case, “The End” led to a new start, start of a unilateral love. When i closed my eyes, he was still the only man i desired. After all how can time change/affect a true love?!

Not a slight difference one could realize in the feelings i kept for him, and i assumed “the change” never visited him as well. He was still mine, he was still loving. I did not consider “The time” and “The place/distance” until today.

I received an official declaration stating the things between him and me were gone. I sensed he was still smiling while saying he did not have the same feelings for me as he did.

I was not surprised at all as i already knew i had never meant anything for him, but it was giving pain to hear all these directly from him.

I have kept acting on the same scene trying to produce just one play without a clear success. Now i lost my reason to live in real sense, to keep my heart alive. But what can i say “All in the game”!

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Boy: I want to ask you something…

Girl: Go ahead…

Boy: But i am hesitant…

Girl: Hesitancy is not your type of behavior…

Boy: May be i changed a bit…

Girl: May be…but i don’t know the new you….the person i knew would easily ask me or tell me whatever he has in his mind…

Boy: Hmmm…Then tell me…did you ever miss me during my absence?

Girl: If i say ‘yes’ what will it change? Let me tell you ‘Nothing’.

Boy: Does it mean i never came into your mind?

Girl: If i say although you were not there physically, yet i kept talking to you, writing to you, and loving you as always, what will it change? Again a big ‘Nothing’…

Boy: You are really angry with me, right? You must be hating me…

Girl: I used to love you even to die for you, i used to miss you even to fall sick, and i used to hate you more than anyone…but now…

Boy: And now?

Girl: I don’t feel anything. I feel as if i am dead…as soulless as a dead!

Boy: Hmmm…you words are really hurting…

Girl: May be…may be it is your turn to get hurt…still i don’t do anything on purpose although you think so…

Boy: You know what i am curious about the most?

Girl: Hmmm what?

Boy: What would  your reaction be if we could meet somehow?

Girl: I dreamed of our meeting millions of time…each time changing the scenario…

Boy: Tell me…I wanna hear…

Girl: Well…First it was like a happy end…I would be impatient to see you, and once you would be close enough i would hug you as tight as i can…

Boy: Lovely…

Girl: No it is not…then the scenario changed just like the change in your attitude with me…this time as soon as i see you, i would feel a strong urge to slap you…but the ache on your cheek could never compansate for the wound you left in me…

Boy: Don’t talk like that…i didn’t do it on purpose you know…i would never hurt you…just the conditions…

Girl: Not the conditions…but the priorities…

Boy: Hmmm…and what about now?

Girl: Now…i would stand close to you, slightly touching your face to be sure that you are real…and after feeling you on my fingertips, i would just walk away…

Boy: …..

Girl: …..

Boy: I’m sorry.

Girl: I’m not.

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62646“Let me bring the drinks” said i, getting the permission from my guests to leave the room for a short while so at the same time getting the chance to calm down my heartbeats and come into my senses. I leaned against the kitchen table holding its edge firmly not to fall. I felt that my knees were not able to carry me any more. I took a deep breath and tried to stand strong on my high heeled shoes.

I was setting the wine glasses on the silver tray on which i was able to see my reflection. From outside i was a beautiful woman with fair skin, long brown hair, thick lips and deep blue eyes but from inside my soul was devastated.

I tried not to think any more when i put the last glass on the tray then i heard a footstep coming closer. I didn’t turn my back as i already knew who it was! He hugged me from behind hesitantly, i felt uneasy and said “Don’t” while i was getting rid of his arms. “But why?” he asked. “Someone can see us” i replied. He lowered his looks and kept watching the designs of the carpet for a while.

He looked like an innocent child needing love and care. I couldn’t  stop myself any more and this time i wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his accelarating heartbeats. His lips slightly touched on my hair, then my forehead. And then he put another kiss on my nose as if he was gathering some courage before meeting my lips. I took the first step and let my lips rest on his.

We were both excited feeling the love in dept and the lust on the surface. Our lips were locked into each other and our hands were seeking for a place to get hooked not to leave each other ever again.

This would not go on any more, i thought. I took a step back unwillingly and he was unwilling as well to let go off my lips. We stood face to face and i asked him “Please go!”. He shook his head. “Please go…” i repeated. I was as weak as him at the very moment but i had no choice.  He walked out of the kitchen with slow motions as if his body is heavier for his legs. From where i stood, i tried to visualise his walking in the sitting room with a fake smile on his tired face and his taking the seat just beside his wife.

I put a smile on my face similar to his, held the tray firmly not to let it go off my hands which were still shaking due to what has happened. When i entered the room and saw his wife talking about something passionately and at the same time looking at her husband with sparkling eyes full of love, i promised myself not to see him any more.

When i took my place at the table, i made another promise to myself: not to break the promises i made!

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may_pudding“Take these coins” said the grandma. “Don’t be late after school. I will be waiting for you to watch our favorite TV. serial”, then gave a warm smile to her granddaughter which was even more precious than the coins in her pocket.

She thought how lucky she had been, being the favored grandchild leaving all the others one step behind in this race of love…whatever she did whole day, there was only one thing in her childish mind, which was actually sometimes able to think in a more mature way than an adult, that was the evening she would spend with her grandma on her laps feeling her soft hands on her hair like a delicate butterfly. At those times she never missed the opportunity to fill her tiny nose with grandma’s sweet smell so that she would be with her all the time.

 Being impatient let the day last for longer than its usual routine. She counted the hours while day-dreaming at the same time. At last it was high time to go home. She took her schoolbag which was heavier than herself. When she arrived at the confectioner’s shop, she stopped in front of its door and looked at the sparkling windows decorated with a variety of candy and chocolate. She felt the coins given by her grandma in the morning; she touched them as she wanted to see they were still there and safe. Then a big smile appeared on her face; that much happiness in a tiny life of a tiny heart…

She got the chocolates being careful about choosing the ones which her grandma would love to eat most, then leaving the shop behind she hit the road with fast steps as she was not allowed to run.

When she entered the garden first person to greet her was her mom but this time she was lack of the glitter in her eyes, instead she noticed some moisture there. Then her dad appeared silently out of the entrance door; he was looking cold but calm with his two arms at his both sides.

She couldn’t figure out what was happening. She walked passing by her mom and then her dad too. As soon as she entered the house, she came across the open door of her grandma’s room, but she wasn’t inside. She sat on her bed and looked at her mom who was now standing still at the threshold.

Mom tried to say a word but her voice got lost in the air. But she knew. She knew that her grandma had gone with the angels leaving her alone.

She felt the chocolates in her pocket; she checked whether they were still there or not. At the time she touched the chocolates with her fingertips showing a slight hesitation, she felt her grandma’s soft hand on her hair.

That was the first and last time a big drop of tear flowed down on her cheek finding a way to her lips. That’s why all the chocolates of the world have a salty taste for her now!

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He was leaning against his car, his eyes fixed at far away. I reminded myself that he was waiting for me at the time and place i offered…3 pm in the afternoon at a park which was covered by a white sheet.

I had sensed from his voice that he was reluctant to meet me; he agreed to come not as a matter of kindness but as he was afraid i could be headache again. I already knew by heart that he would never do anything for me but still i never gave up forcing my chance. I don’t know the reason except the fact that I was the slave of my poor feelings.

It was still snowing quite a lot hence blocking my view to see him clearly. I went closer for a few more steps. He was tensed, impatient and looking forward to drawing an end-line. I kept watching him from the point where i was standing/hiding. My pains (memories) began to attack me using the current opportunity.

He and me sitting on a snowy bench, his smoking (sine quo non of my dreams), my watching his face,  his smiling at me, my getting shy, his crawling fingers on my hair, my head searching for his shoulder, his magical touches on my face…

I had to come into my senses as he started to move impatiently. It was 3:05 pm now. I was late just for 5 minutes and that was enough time for him to create an excuse. He opened the door of his car and got inside. Sat there indecisively just for 2 seconds and started the engine.

When i took a step forward, he was already gone!

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I swallowed the pill without focusing on its side effects…and i cannot deny i fall asleep thinking about him (visualizing can be a better word may be) trying to re-remember his every gesture although it was not an easy task for me any more as his face was more like a slight puzzle difficult to collect and to combine the pieces.

As soon as my eyelids lost the game, i started to dream about him. After my memories, now he was in my dreams. I did not want this to happen. The more i kept away from him the better it was for me, but after all how could i manage my dreams, i even could not manage a simple and small heart.

He was there just in front of my eyes, talking (indeed murmuring) slowly and softly (as he used to do) trying to show me that he was busy (as usual). He was working, so was I, but my attention was often ready to be distracted by him altough he never wanted to do so…even his look at me for a second was enough to take me to somewhere else (somewhere cold and snowy). He said “i am hungry” and i laughed as I used to make fun of him calling him “fatty” (although he always looked so cool with his figure). Then he ordered pizza (so romantic isn’t it?) and refused to share with me (how sad! we used to share a lot EARLIER). He offered me coke with a happy smile (as it was our favourite drink) but i refused saying Doctor does not allow me to drink coke, then he frowned and continued his eating with an ever-lasting appetite and i watched him with eyes full of ever-lasting love…

He was done with his eating and smiled at me again as if he was realizing me in the room for the first time. He came closer to me still smiling. Now my face was so close to his and our breaths just wrapped each other. I know he would leave in a few minutes. Suddenly I put my arms around his neck as if he is the closest person to me (but infact he was just a stranger) I hugged him as tight as i can even to prevent our breathing till we merged into one body, one soul…I buried myself on his chest and let his hearbeats fill my ears…let his charming smell make me dizzy…and meanwhile his hands were hesitant, indecisive about what to do.

Then he hugged me softly which was like a magic. I never felt so safe and relieved in my life before. Finally i had found peace and wished the same for him.

I opened my eyes slowly. Magic was over…my heart was in pain again…It was awesome to have him back but it was just a dream which was quite killing…hence i decided “no more sleeping pills!”

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Dear Diary,

Human kind is destined to make mistakes, to walk on a wrong path and to lose their route in the middle and go back to the start still on the wrong path bumping into wrong people on the way again and again! (Right?)

According to my parents, my friends and each and every person with a healthy mind, i should not marry “that guy”…as a matter of cliche we were said to be “from different worlds” (ya right, i was an alien!). Despite everyone, every obstacle, every god-damn obstacle I insisted on keeping an ever-lasting love saga for “that guy”…i stopped talking to anyone just giving slightly negative comment on him, i just yelled at anyone just showing a disapproval of him…i simply defended him while losing the others one by one…

He seemed to be smitten by me as well till I realized he was talking to other girls too. I left him. He apologized and i forgave. Then we were again long lost in making future plans to be together (marriage in my handicapped mind dictionary) till i came to know that he was not serious. Then i left him. He apologized and i forgave. I was still consistent with my love story (according to him, it was a kind of  game for us to  fill our free time)…but i added a friendly preface into the relation. I was just standing beside him whenever he needed me till I realized bitterly he was never with me. I left him. He apologized and i forgave. Love was still prevailing on my side but now we were not seeing each other even as a friend.  At the background i kept track of his every movement as long as i was able to do so…i was still hopeful (hopeful at least to have him back as a friend, true friend!) but he never looked back to me (even for a second). One day i was the closest person to him and the next day he even did not remember my name!

What happened next…Well, i cried for my years wasted upon “that guy” for nothing, and i tried hard, struggled to gain the lost but precious people back step by step and i decided not to walk on the wrong path again….as another cliche “Even foolishness has a limit!”

Now i have no idea what he does, i have no idea he remembers me or not, i have no idea what i did to him to deserve all these…But good news…i achieved to choose a new path just lying in front of me now…turning my love bitterly into hatred!

Dear Diary, i never knew what he had in his mind all throughout the time…

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Dring dring….

Who the hell is it  in the middle of the night calling him again and again?! Good news, it is of course ME! Best part of  this game is to hear ringing of international call just before he picks up the call…dringg drinnggg (once)

I can imagine him trying to reach his cell moving reluctantly in his warm bed half awake, half dreamy with his messed hair and in his dark coloured pyjamas longing to go back to sleep…dringg dringgg (second time)…I am sure he must be abusing at the same time as he is quite bored of these calls with no use to anyone…dringg dringgg (third time)…He must be in a deep sleep tonight or planning not to pick up! ehh! Drinngg drinngg (fourth time). Then comes the sound of “Answer the Call” button….”Click”…And that scary voice loaded with anger…fast and furious…”Hello!”…”Hel—lloooo!!” Then comes my giggling only to myself being happy once again after achieving to irritate him. I always knew or he made me realize that lately he gets irriated each time we get in touch in a way or another (or by force!) hence i developed a habit of irritating him quite often with my calls without saying a word…(No, i’m not lying or am i? No, it is not just to hear his voice! Am i that stupid? No, I cannot be! How can one do that to herself? What happened to the concepts of honor, pride or self-respect? Since when they have taken shelter under self-humiliation?)

Oh my god! I guess he heard my giggling…Now comes the sound of “End the Call” button…”Click”…Eh! That is enough for tonight, after all he needs some sleep to be able to work tomorrow…

Me? No, I never sleep since I met him…

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Partially…

Echoing just a few words in my ear…as if specially selected from a past dialogue…“stupid”“love you too”…then darkness again…and once more “will never let you go”…And i don’t remember the rest…Some foggy faces, some unknown names, some strong feelings which i have difficulty in describing…It has no difference than losing yourself in an unfamiliar forest, you still don’t know which path to follow…just like me…I still don’t know whom to trust…

Doctor calls it “partial memory loss” and he claims my mind does it on purpose to run away from some bitter truths…however i call it “living behind a curtain” and i don’t know which truths my mind knows…

I am able to remember my far past, and i can remember the recent one as well…but i am helpless when it comes to the last 4 years…All i have is uncompleted sentences, some free words flying around me, some blurred faces as if reflected on a broken mirror…

I am scared…a lot…not because i am in such a situation but because of forgetting the people whom i should carry with me forever…My mind is too tired to struggle with that, best thing is to close my eyes i believe even if i cannot sleep…but the “ghost words” haunt me even then…This time in an unknown language…not familiar to me…I am even not sure whether i speak any other language than English…”pyaar“…”repeat it mujhe tumse”…silence…“repeat it, come on stupid”…The same velvet voice…again echoing in my ears…

I don’t know when i will be complete the puzzle, when i will put the right pieces in their places…May be i better let it go uncompleted…May be i should consider this “illness” as a gift by God…Just partially…

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Phone Rings

Phone rings…

Boy: Hello.

Girl: Silence.

Boy: Hello (with a sharp voice).

Girl: Silence (thinking she may lose herself in his voice forgetting all about the rest of the world whirling around her).

Boy: Hello!! (This time a bit furious and feeling disturbed in the middle of the night due to the time difference between two continents).

Girl: Ends the call (with a heart beating more and more every passing time).

 

Looking back into past, calculating the balance of pain and happiness he gave her till now…pain gets heavier. Is she able to see this fact? Love is blinding her eyes right now. She feels the bitter taste of experience in her but at the same time she knows she can forget everything else that happened to her till now because he is the best thing in her life (or she believes in fairy tales).

 

Phone rings (again).

Boy: Hello.

Girl: Hi, it’s me.

Boy: Hey.

Girl: Sorry, it was me last time calling you by mistake; my cell was in my pocket and…(before she completes her sentence…)

Boy: it is ok.

Girl: hmm ok. Take care then. Bye.

Boy: Yea, bye.

 

Now she feels ashamed of herself as she lied to him and also let him lie to herself for so long. What he has till now, what he feels, what he expresses, or what he tries to render till now was not love! No matter how much she wants it to be so!

With a sudden rush in her blood flow due to anger of all those years, and feeling like challenging a liar against her true love,

 

Phone rings (once more).

Boy: Yea.

Girl: It’s me again.

Boy: Hmm.

Girl: I lied to you. I missed you; I wanted to hear your voice; that’s why I called you.

Boy: Smiles. (may be feeling pampered without knowing that these simple but honest words win the battle). You can call me any time (he continues).

Girl: But you sound as if you don’t want to talk to me (she is braver with her words now).

Boy: There is nothing like that, why do you always think negative? Nothing like that. You can call me any time you want.

Girl: Silence. (Thinks for a second…”I WANT, WHAT ABOUT YOU?”…She doesn’t express herself this time because she comes to know the person across the line is not the same person she fell for 3 years ago).

Boy: So what’s up, how are you?

Girl: I am under tension.

Boy: Why, What happened?

Girl: Silence. (What happened? She tries to be calm, consoles herself… don’t bother, don’t worry, don’t cry).

Boy: Why? (Asks again).

Girl: Because of you. I cannot forget you. (She brandishes her sword once more against him in this war of love).

Boy: Silence for a moment and comes the killing sentence. I don’t know what to say!

 

She can hardly say “ok”….trying to hide her tears but her cracked voice let him get that idea.

 

Boy: Please don’t cry.

Girl: Ok, I’ll call you later (she lies as she will never call him back again).

Boy: Ok, bye. (He doesn’t try to stop the girl to bury herself under agony as he always chooses to run away when the true emotions come to surface).

 

With a mixture of all kind of feelings stirring inside, and seeing her past with him like a film strip, she turns her face across the cold blowing wind to regain her conscious and to come to her senses. While he was previously loading her with his excessive amount of love, what changed now? She knows she will never be able to find the answer. She whispers to herself tasting the salty tear on her lower lip “Sometimes conditions take you to wherever you are now and this is called life”.

 

She looks at the phone screen for the last time.

 

Call ended!

 

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