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Posts Tagged ‘Rambling’

Monologue…

Today i talked to you…You were not aware but i was…You were not conscious but i was…I kept talking and you kept your silence…I waited for a word to come out in your warm voice…Kabhi kabhi i heard a song and i thought you were singing for me…mann ki gali tu phuharoon si aa bheeg jaye mere khwabon ka kafila…Kabhi kabhi there echoed some lines and i thought you were murmuring…chaahe jo maanglo sab tumhare hai…And kabhi kabhi there were whispers and i thought you were back to me..chal apna rang dikha dena thumka mere sang laga lena…

I kept talking and you kept your silence…till the time i woke up…

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A simple question yet hard to reply…quite a long day and it hasn’t ended yet, which is full of meetings, hundreds of pages to be signed, pages of agendas to be followed, mails mails and mails to be read…At this step Choti Writer wants to reply as “i am reading a nice book by the window listening to drizzle and sipping from my hot chocolate”….or “i am lying down on my favourite sofa, watching a romantic comedy forgetting all about the serious issues of the world and eating a huge bowl of pop-corns dropping them here and there…laziness to the end!”

*Sigh!*

Unfortunately these are nothing but my sincere daydreams or goals of coming weekend to be realized if i am lucky to spare some time…

So the question is still unanswered…what is Choti Writer doing?

It is 4.40 pm, i am still at the office just giving a break to fight with the warrior of sleep hence having difficulty keeping my eyes open and having my distracted attention to focus back on its way! Right now Choti Writer is too tired for the day hence looking for an escape…

Was it a bit demoralizing? Well, considering that the night hopefully will be a better time to spend totally for myself, therefore giving me a blink of hope, i can say i am feeling better 😀

Okkkk..it is your turn now! What are you doing right now?

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It happened again. Just for one second only but I got the same feeling. Shy sparkles coming out of my eyes, accelerated heartbeats, difficulty in breathing. It happened again. I felt the same love. It happened again. My soul got alive like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It happened again. Just for one second only.

Then a wave of regret without remorse shaded everywhere. Then the heart was dipped into cold. Then the soul was sentenced to dark. Then you went. Then i died…

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The more dead, the less alive…

Others are living their lives while i am killing mine…while i am dying day by day…

Separating a part of mine from the whole with every new day…shattering my soul into millions of pieces…

Burning my say in the heat of silence…hiding the sparkles in my eyes behind my eyelids…

Burying my smile into my tears…

The more i am dead, and the less alive…

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While i was setting up my room today, i heard a weak whisper calling my name, “Hey Choti!” I was surprised as i was alone in my room at the moment, there was no one else visible. I stood still for a while and concentrated on the silence of the walls and windows. There was no voice at all. “I must have been mistaken” told myself and kept on doing my work till i heard the second voice which was a bit stronger than the first one, “Hey, we are talking to you!” Now that made me freaked out. I looked around screening the whole room with my eyes before running out in screams. But then my eyes hooked on my little friends who were smiling at me as if nothing happened. “Guys, it was you, right?” They giggled altogether. “Stop laughing now! You really scared me you bad kidos.” I was angry for a second but it all disappeared when i came face to face with them; while their wide-open eyes were focused on me in anxiety being unable to guess what would my next action be, this time i burst into laughing.

“Yes kidos, what is the problem?” They kept silence for a while as if they were deciding the spokesman among them and Miss Ladybug (being the older) took the floor,

“We heard you have a blog.”

“Yes, that is true but who told you this?”

“We heard about it while you and your hubby were talking about it”

“Ahan…Ummm so?”

“We also heard you make people popular like Shah Rukh Khan or Rahul Roy so we kindly request you to make us popular as well.”

On hearing this i just couldn’t help myself laughing like anything for minutes and i could stop only when i reliazed that they were frowning with an upset face.

“Listen kidos, those people you just mentioned are already famous. Their popularity has nothing to do with me. I just share my likes or dislikes, my positive or negative thoughts or feelings on fames. Understand?”

This time baby turtle started to talk with an utmost excitement in her tone being the younger, “That means you can introduce us to your readers, and you can also kindly mention how much you love us, can’t you?”

I smiled and nodded which caused a festival atmosphere in the room supported by their clapping with their tiny, cute hands. Then they took their best posture to produce the perfect photo saying “cheese” altogether 🙂

Here we go kidos…in the below photo let me introduce you (from left to right) Miss Ladybug, Mr. Doggie (aka Indi), Miss Baby Turtle and Miss Rabbit (aka Pinkie). These are my little friends decorating my bedroom sitting in a wooden box the whole day. They are friendly, cute, warm and lovable friends. They are good at making you smile or occupying your guests’ babies at times. And most importantly, each one has its own meaning, reminding me of a time period or a moment in my life!

I love you kidos 🙂

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sad_and_lonely_by_Sepia_Club1One of those days…i’m waking up and you are there with me in my mind…as if being awake (alive) equals to you!

One of those days…you are with me whole day…while holding my pen (feeling your fingers in my hand), while reading a page (my eyes meet yours), while drinking water (like tasting your salty lips) or smelling the air (filling my whole being with your soul)!

One of those days…i have been carrying you with me whole day again…the sun is about to set…you are now the reflection in my eyes or the hope in my heart to see the sparkling stars in the dark sky (thinking that you might be looking at the same star)…or the slight cloud hiding the moon..or the mild breeze blowing my hair!

One of those days…i’m falling into sleep…now you are the bridge between my consicence and my dreams!

One of those days…my loneliness is doubled!

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SOMETIMES!

morning_walk51Sometimes we should let it go. Sometimes we cannot get any benefit from sticking to some people rather we can only harm ourselves and them. Sometimes we should let the beloved ones to stay away from us, sometimes we should lose them in order to fully understand how precious they are to us, but no guarantee whether you can find them again once you lose them.

Sometimes we should pretend, we should be a different person than we are, so anyone in life needs some theatrical gestures so that we can make people believe in things which are not true. For example, when you say “I don’t love you”, the person across to you should not suspect from the power of your sentence. You should perform it with such a certainty that you can deceive even yourself.

Sometimes we should stay silent no matter how strong storms are devastating us inside. We should not let the volcano burst out but burn ourselves only. We should know to shut up when it is high time. We should listen, digest and keep our lips sealed.

Sometimes we should regret and learn to live with these regrets as there is no escape from them but other times we should forget, forget things, forget people. And sometimes we should remember the best moments within the worst experiences in life.

Sometimes we should write to make the memories engraved on something concrete so that they cannot leave us and fly away.

Sometimes we should lie to protect beloved ones, to show them a better way with the light of a simple, innocent lie.

And sometimes we should just smile for no reason and let the others smile too…

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Dear Diary -Day 4

images1I could not find the energy and the time to update my blog for a few days as i have been suffering from flu and fever plus having extremely busy days at office…umm i cannot say i m totally got rid of the sick condition of mine however i am moderately better (thanks to thousands of drugs produced bas mere liye by various companies :D) Ok, my dearest diary, let me share with you some stupid points as usual…

1) Right now i m listening to the soundtrack of Main Hoon Na…Well you know that is another demonstration of how much i love SRK…o yea, good news, one of my friends already promised me to kidnap him just for me as a birthday gift…lol (best of luck little beta).

2) We (my gang at the office) discovered a new and a decent restaurant to have lunch. We have been going there for a week now and it seems we will be going there for another week as well, but bad news is the waiter serving us is already fed up with us..:P (heloo gang) lol

3) Today we will hold the first meeting of our book club. Well the first book was quite boring, but i got my second book and from its cover i can say it will be better to read…i won’t mention the name for now as i will review it later on…

4) Again as another birthday gift, i am expecting a card which includes some handwriting both in English and Hindi..as i am quiteeeee bad in understanding only Hindi…hehehe (best of luck Rishi) 😛

5) I feel relieved.  (thanks patner, i wouldn’t achieve that without you).

6) Finally, yea last point is bitter but true…i have to go back to work…:D

Love,

Choti

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Lazy Lamhe…

Today surprisingly i woke up early. Prepared a huge breakfast and ate like a little bear:P Then did some cleaning…that was all…it was just noon and i had completed every task already and the whole Sunday was lying just in front of me…I made some phone calls but they lasted for just 3o minutes…then i decided to see a movie and i chose “No Smoking” by John Abraham and Ayesha Takia…but before that i thought to make a Turkish coffe…For the ones who never tasted it, it is just yummyylicious (thanks to Faraz for adding this word into my dictionary:D)

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Now i am at the stage of drinking it…anyone volunteer to join me? 😛

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So Many…

So many words lost in the air before we realized what we meant to say…So many moments forgotten before we shared together…So many memories faded away before we had the chance to remember…

I walked on so many snowy roads while feeling your absence walking just beside me…I saw so many faces where I tried to find just a minor similarity of your eyes…I filled my nights with so many dreams in which i kept looking at you before you slipped out of my hands…

My eyes left so many tear drops behind which mixed with the rain on the most lonely days of mine…I spent so many days without you when i had so many things to share, when i needed your presence with me most, when i prayed you come back to me one day unexpectedly…

In spite of so many disappoinments I have so many excuses still to wait for you…

So many…

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Humanly feeling…

One cannot understand the importance of someone
Till he is lost in the flow of life….

One cannot feel the essense of someone

Till he is lost in the beat of heart….

No matter where you are lost, i still feel you in each and every beat of my heart and this feeling will remain exactly the same as long as i m alive…and after i die, the first thing i ll beg from God will be to re-gain this humanly feeling!!!

 

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