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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Time changes everything, everyone, every mind, every heart, every face, every look, every word and every world, except mine!

The relation between us was not initiated officially, we were never officially-declared lovers, and in the same way the relation between him and me did not come to end officially either. No one declared but both sides were aware it was over. An abrupt end.

However, in my case, “The End” led to a new start, start of a unilateral love. When i closed my eyes, he was still the only man i desired. After all how can time change/affect a true love?!

Not a slight difference one could realize in the feelings i kept for him, and i assumed “the change” never visited him as well. He was still mine, he was still loving. I did not consider “The time” and “The place/distance” until today.

I received an official declaration stating the things between him and me were gone. I sensed he was still smiling while saying he did not have the same feelings for me as he did.

I was not surprised at all as i already knew i had never meant anything for him, but it was giving pain to hear all these directly from him.

I have kept acting on the same scene trying to produce just one play without a clear success. Now i lost my reason to live in real sense, to keep my heart alive. But what can i say “All in the game”!

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 Last night i managed to go to a bookstore after a long time to check what is new and what has changed on the shelves! And surprisingly i came across with the English version of Elif Shafak’s last book “Aşk” under the title “40 Rules of Love”.

Reading its Turkish version and adoring the book itself, it immediately caught my attention and i gave myself some time to sit and view some passages from the book. And at first glance (as i am not able to go into a much detailed reading) it seems the English version also has the capacity to give the same delight to the readers or even more!

By the way, i should say that i love the book cover with its oriental motifs…

Here is the link of an online newspaper where you can find an interview with Shafak regarding the book.

Have a nice read!

H

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It happened again. Just for one second only but I got the same feeling. Shy sparkles coming out of my eyes, accelerated heartbeats, difficulty in breathing. It happened again. I felt the same love. It happened again. My soul got alive like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It happened again. Just for one second only.

Then a wave of regret without remorse shaded everywhere. Then the heart was dipped into cold. Then the soul was sentenced to dark. Then you went. Then i died…

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I was kidnapped by some thoughts of a hot summer afternoon being half sleepy half awake…Haziness and laziness were prevailing in my room where the time had already stopped to flow…It was hard to open my eyelids yet was not easy either to keep them closed…I don’t know how long i stayed like that…when i finally found an exit to the real world (coming into my senses), once again i thanked God as it was another Sunday when i have the time, will and opportunity to sleep as much as i want. And believe me it is such a blessing for the ones who are extremely fond of sleeping lazily just like me 😛 But in the end i said “Bas…” and got out of bed immediately just to meet my readers here 🙂 That much laziness is quite enough, isn’t it?

Today i have a surprise for you! A friend of mine, indeed one of my best friends, indeed my best friend, indeed an Indian, indeed an IT guy, indeed man of feelings, sensitive and humanistic, indeed caring and understanding and indeed as crazy as me has agreed to share with us one of his poems 😀

When i first offered him to write about anything as a guest writer (as i read a few pieces by him earlier and as i like his writing style yet he does not keep a regular blog himself due to lack of time i believe), he suggested he can write about me but i kindly refused this suggestion as my readers were not ready yet to know about me in detail as my personality can be scary at times 😛 Then he asked “phir what else should i write?”…i said “anything” and he sent me the following poem to be posted here.

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

The day came I was daring for

When you left me forever

And I didn’t get a chance to tell you

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!

 

            You came into my life and you know

            I found a goal of my life

            That was to live for you

            That was to take care of you

            But now you just went and

            I didn’t get a chance to tell you

            HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!

 

Since the day you went

Nothing suits me, nothing impresses me

I don’t feel happy with the

Happiest of the things around me

Everything reminds me of you, and

I didn’t get a chance to tell you

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!

 

            I go to places to forget everything

            To bring back some joy in life

            But all the places crowded with people

            seem to be lonely to me

            I don’t find joy anywhere without you coz

            I didn’t get a chanCe to tell you

            HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!

 

If you can still come back

You’ll find me waiting for you

With open arms to embrace you

To hug you and give you all my love

I want you to come back to me

So I could at least this time tell you

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!

Dear Rishi Gogia…thank you so much for honoring my blog with such a lovely poem which obviously reflects your deep and sincere state of heart…and hope she already came back 🙂

P.S.: The credit goes to my dearest husband for the “guest post” icon above 🙂

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RAINDROP…

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If you can’t be a shining sun-ray

sparkling on me,

At least be a grey rain cloud

and let your drops fall over me,

Shower my heart,

Refresh my spring…

Even if i can’t feel the heat of your love,

At least i can chill within your cold arms!

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62646“Let me bring the drinks” said i, getting the permission from my guests to leave the room for a short while so at the same time getting the chance to calm down my heartbeats and come into my senses. I leaned against the kitchen table holding its edge firmly not to fall. I felt that my knees were not able to carry me any more. I took a deep breath and tried to stand strong on my high heeled shoes.

I was setting the wine glasses on the silver tray on which i was able to see my reflection. From outside i was a beautiful woman with fair skin, long brown hair, thick lips and deep blue eyes but from inside my soul was devastated.

I tried not to think any more when i put the last glass on the tray then i heard a footstep coming closer. I didn’t turn my back as i already knew who it was! He hugged me from behind hesitantly, i felt uneasy and said “Don’t” while i was getting rid of his arms. “But why?” he asked. “Someone can see us” i replied. He lowered his looks and kept watching the designs of the carpet for a while.

He looked like an innocent child needing love and care. I couldn’t  stop myself any more and this time i wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his accelarating heartbeats. His lips slightly touched on my hair, then my forehead. And then he put another kiss on my nose as if he was gathering some courage before meeting my lips. I took the first step and let my lips rest on his.

We were both excited feeling the love in dept and the lust on the surface. Our lips were locked into each other and our hands were seeking for a place to get hooked not to leave each other ever again.

This would not go on any more, i thought. I took a step back unwillingly and he was unwilling as well to let go off my lips. We stood face to face and i asked him “Please go!”. He shook his head. “Please go…” i repeated. I was as weak as him at the very moment but i had no choice.  He walked out of the kitchen with slow motions as if his body is heavier for his legs. From where i stood, i tried to visualise his walking in the sitting room with a fake smile on his tired face and his taking the seat just beside his wife.

I put a smile on my face similar to his, held the tray firmly not to let it go off my hands which were still shaking due to what has happened. When i entered the room and saw his wife talking about something passionately and at the same time looking at her husband with sparkling eyes full of love, i promised myself not to see him any more.

When i took my place at the table, i made another promise to myself: not to break the promises i made!

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sad_and_lonely_by_Sepia_Club1One of those days…i’m waking up and you are there with me in my mind…as if being awake (alive) equals to you!

One of those days…you are with me whole day…while holding my pen (feeling your fingers in my hand), while reading a page (my eyes meet yours), while drinking water (like tasting your salty lips) or smelling the air (filling my whole being with your soul)!

One of those days…i have been carrying you with me whole day again…the sun is about to set…you are now the reflection in my eyes or the hope in my heart to see the sparkling stars in the dark sky (thinking that you might be looking at the same star)…or the slight cloud hiding the moon..or the mild breeze blowing my hair!

One of those days…i’m falling into sleep…now you are the bridge between my consicence and my dreams!

One of those days…my loneliness is doubled!

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