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writing_11235489264I had been writing for quite a long time when i met him. And my writings i could say were good enough. I mean good in a way to catch/influence things…good in a way to flow with/dance with the words…good in a way even to get praised by some.

On the contrary he had no hands in writing, even in reading. He was not writing anything (almost anything) except a few lines rendering that he was fine. Similarly, he was  reading nothing (almost nothing) except my long writings to (for) him.

After long time one day he suddenly confessed that i was a better writer than himself. At that time such a confession had surprised me as made by someone who was almost a non-writer/reader. And that particular confession had kept me satisfied for a long duration.

However, another day at the end of the story (which in books and movies usually means after he left me and went to on his own way marrying another girl) i noticed that was not true and i came to know he was a better writer than me since he wrote my fate/future in the way he wished for!

Now you tell me who is a better writer? Me or him?

P.S.: Phew…first short story of 2012 after a long interval…Anyone out there among old friends?!

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Time changes everything, everyone, every mind, every heart, every face, every look, every word and every world, except mine!

The relation between us was not initiated officially, we were never officially-declared lovers, and in the same way the relation between him and me did not come to end officially either. No one declared but both sides were aware it was over. An abrupt end.

However, in my case, “The End” led to a new start, start of a unilateral love. When i closed my eyes, he was still the only man i desired. After all how can time change/affect a true love?!

Not a slight difference one could realize in the feelings i kept for him, and i assumed “the change” never visited him as well. He was still mine, he was still loving. I did not consider “The time” and “The place/distance” until today.

I received an official declaration stating the things between him and me were gone. I sensed he was still smiling while saying he did not have the same feelings for me as he did.

I was not surprised at all as i already knew i had never meant anything for him, but it was giving pain to hear all these directly from him.

I have kept acting on the same scene trying to produce just one play without a clear success. Now i lost my reason to live in real sense, to keep my heart alive. But what can i say “All in the game”!

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Boy: I want to ask you something…

Girl: Go ahead…

Boy: But i am hesitant…

Girl: Hesitancy is not your type of behavior…

Boy: May be i changed a bit…

Girl: May be…but i don’t know the new you….the person i knew would easily ask me or tell me whatever he has in his mind…

Boy: Hmmm…Then tell me…did you ever miss me during my absence?

Girl: If i say ‘yes’ what will it change? Let me tell you ‘Nothing’.

Boy: Does it mean i never came into your mind?

Girl: If i say although you were not there physically, yet i kept talking to you, writing to you, and loving you as always, what will it change? Again a big ‘Nothing’…

Boy: You are really angry with me, right? You must be hating me…

Girl: I used to love you even to die for you, i used to miss you even to fall sick, and i used to hate you more than anyone…but now…

Boy: And now?

Girl: I don’t feel anything. I feel as if i am dead…as soulless as a dead!

Boy: Hmmm…you words are really hurting…

Girl: May be…may be it is your turn to get hurt…still i don’t do anything on purpose although you think so…

Boy: You know what i am curious about the most?

Girl: Hmmm what?

Boy: What would  your reaction be if we could meet somehow?

Girl: I dreamed of our meeting millions of time…each time changing the scenario…

Boy: Tell me…I wanna hear…

Girl: Well…First it was like a happy end…I would be impatient to see you, and once you would be close enough i would hug you as tight as i can…

Boy: Lovely…

Girl: No it is not…then the scenario changed just like the change in your attitude with me…this time as soon as i see you, i would feel a strong urge to slap you…but the ache on your cheek could never compansate for the wound you left in me…

Boy: Don’t talk like that…i didn’t do it on purpose you know…i would never hurt you…just the conditions…

Girl: Not the conditions…but the priorities…

Boy: Hmmm…and what about now?

Girl: Now…i would stand close to you, slightly touching your face to be sure that you are real…and after feeling you on my fingertips, i would just walk away…

Boy: …..

Girl: …..

Boy: I’m sorry.

Girl: I’m not.

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62646“Let me bring the drinks” said i, getting the permission from my guests to leave the room for a short while so at the same time getting the chance to calm down my heartbeats and come into my senses. I leaned against the kitchen table holding its edge firmly not to fall. I felt that my knees were not able to carry me any more. I took a deep breath and tried to stand strong on my high heeled shoes.

I was setting the wine glasses on the silver tray on which i was able to see my reflection. From outside i was a beautiful woman with fair skin, long brown hair, thick lips and deep blue eyes but from inside my soul was devastated.

I tried not to think any more when i put the last glass on the tray then i heard a footstep coming closer. I didn’t turn my back as i already knew who it was! He hugged me from behind hesitantly, i felt uneasy and said “Don’t” while i was getting rid of his arms. “But why?” he asked. “Someone can see us” i replied. He lowered his looks and kept watching the designs of the carpet for a while.

He looked like an innocent child needing love and care. I couldn’t  stop myself any more and this time i wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his accelarating heartbeats. His lips slightly touched on my hair, then my forehead. And then he put another kiss on my nose as if he was gathering some courage before meeting my lips. I took the first step and let my lips rest on his.

We were both excited feeling the love in dept and the lust on the surface. Our lips were locked into each other and our hands were seeking for a place to get hooked not to leave each other ever again.

This would not go on any more, i thought. I took a step back unwillingly and he was unwilling as well to let go off my lips. We stood face to face and i asked him “Please go!”. He shook his head. “Please go…” i repeated. I was as weak as him at the very moment but i had no choice.  He walked out of the kitchen with slow motions as if his body is heavier for his legs. From where i stood, i tried to visualise his walking in the sitting room with a fake smile on his tired face and his taking the seat just beside his wife.

I put a smile on my face similar to his, held the tray firmly not to let it go off my hands which were still shaking due to what has happened. When i entered the room and saw his wife talking about something passionately and at the same time looking at her husband with sparkling eyes full of love, i promised myself not to see him any more.

When i took my place at the table, i made another promise to myself: not to break the promises i made!

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may_pudding“Take these coins” said the grandma. “Don’t be late after school. I will be waiting for you to watch our favorite TV. serial”, then gave a warm smile to her granddaughter which was even more precious than the coins in her pocket.

She thought how lucky she had been, being the favored grandchild leaving all the others one step behind in this race of love…whatever she did whole day, there was only one thing in her childish mind, which was actually sometimes able to think in a more mature way than an adult, that was the evening she would spend with her grandma on her laps feeling her soft hands on her hair like a delicate butterfly. At those times she never missed the opportunity to fill her tiny nose with grandma’s sweet smell so that she would be with her all the time.

 Being impatient let the day last for longer than its usual routine. She counted the hours while day-dreaming at the same time. At last it was high time to go home. She took her schoolbag which was heavier than herself. When she arrived at the confectioner’s shop, she stopped in front of its door and looked at the sparkling windows decorated with a variety of candy and chocolate. She felt the coins given by her grandma in the morning; she touched them as she wanted to see they were still there and safe. Then a big smile appeared on her face; that much happiness in a tiny life of a tiny heart…

She got the chocolates being careful about choosing the ones which her grandma would love to eat most, then leaving the shop behind she hit the road with fast steps as she was not allowed to run.

When she entered the garden first person to greet her was her mom but this time she was lack of the glitter in her eyes, instead she noticed some moisture there. Then her dad appeared silently out of the entrance door; he was looking cold but calm with his two arms at his both sides.

She couldn’t figure out what was happening. She walked passing by her mom and then her dad too. As soon as she entered the house, she came across the open door of her grandma’s room, but she wasn’t inside. She sat on her bed and looked at her mom who was now standing still at the threshold.

Mom tried to say a word but her voice got lost in the air. But she knew. She knew that her grandma had gone with the angels leaving her alone.

She felt the chocolates in her pocket; she checked whether they were still there or not. At the time she touched the chocolates with her fingertips showing a slight hesitation, she felt her grandma’s soft hand on her hair.

That was the first and last time a big drop of tear flowed down on her cheek finding a way to her lips. That’s why all the chocolates of the world have a salty taste for her now!

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He was leaning against his car, his eyes fixed at far away. I reminded myself that he was waiting for me at the time and place i offered…3 pm in the afternoon at a park which was covered by a white sheet.

I had sensed from his voice that he was reluctant to meet me; he agreed to come not as a matter of kindness but as he was afraid i could be headache again. I already knew by heart that he would never do anything for me but still i never gave up forcing my chance. I don’t know the reason except the fact that I was the slave of my poor feelings.

It was still snowing quite a lot hence blocking my view to see him clearly. I went closer for a few more steps. He was tensed, impatient and looking forward to drawing an end-line. I kept watching him from the point where i was standing/hiding. My pains (memories) began to attack me using the current opportunity.

He and me sitting on a snowy bench, his smoking (sine quo non of my dreams), my watching his face,  his smiling at me, my getting shy, his crawling fingers on my hair, my head searching for his shoulder, his magical touches on my face…

I had to come into my senses as he started to move impatiently. It was 3:05 pm now. I was late just for 5 minutes and that was enough time for him to create an excuse. He opened the door of his car and got inside. Sat there indecisively just for 2 seconds and started the engine.

When i took a step forward, he was already gone!

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I swallowed the pill without focusing on its side effects…and i cannot deny i fall asleep thinking about him (visualizing can be a better word may be) trying to re-remember his every gesture although it was not an easy task for me any more as his face was more like a slight puzzle difficult to collect and to combine the pieces.

As soon as my eyelids lost the game, i started to dream about him. After my memories, now he was in my dreams. I did not want this to happen. The more i kept away from him the better it was for me, but after all how could i manage my dreams, i even could not manage a simple and small heart.

He was there just in front of my eyes, talking (indeed murmuring) slowly and softly (as he used to do) trying to show me that he was busy (as usual). He was working, so was I, but my attention was often ready to be distracted by him altough he never wanted to do so…even his look at me for a second was enough to take me to somewhere else (somewhere cold and snowy). He said “i am hungry” and i laughed as I used to make fun of him calling him “fatty” (although he always looked so cool with his figure). Then he ordered pizza (so romantic isn’t it?) and refused to share with me (how sad! we used to share a lot EARLIER). He offered me coke with a happy smile (as it was our favourite drink) but i refused saying Doctor does not allow me to drink coke, then he frowned and continued his eating with an ever-lasting appetite and i watched him with eyes full of ever-lasting love…

He was done with his eating and smiled at me again as if he was realizing me in the room for the first time. He came closer to me still smiling. Now my face was so close to his and our breaths just wrapped each other. I know he would leave in a few minutes. Suddenly I put my arms around his neck as if he is the closest person to me (but infact he was just a stranger) I hugged him as tight as i can even to prevent our breathing till we merged into one body, one soul…I buried myself on his chest and let his hearbeats fill my ears…let his charming smell make me dizzy…and meanwhile his hands were hesitant, indecisive about what to do.

Then he hugged me softly which was like a magic. I never felt so safe and relieved in my life before. Finally i had found peace and wished the same for him.

I opened my eyes slowly. Magic was over…my heart was in pain again…It was awesome to have him back but it was just a dream which was quite killing…hence i decided “no more sleeping pills!”

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Dear Diary,

Human kind is destined to make mistakes, to walk on a wrong path and to lose their route in the middle and go back to the start still on the wrong path bumping into wrong people on the way again and again! (Right?)

According to my parents, my friends and each and every person with a healthy mind, i should not marry “that guy”…as a matter of cliche we were said to be “from different worlds” (ya right, i was an alien!). Despite everyone, every obstacle, every god-damn obstacle I insisted on keeping an ever-lasting love saga for “that guy”…i stopped talking to anyone just giving slightly negative comment on him, i just yelled at anyone just showing a disapproval of him…i simply defended him while losing the others one by one…

He seemed to be smitten by me as well till I realized he was talking to other girls too. I left him. He apologized and i forgave. Then we were again long lost in making future plans to be together (marriage in my handicapped mind dictionary) till i came to know that he was not serious. Then i left him. He apologized and i forgave. I was still consistent with my love story (according to him, it was a kind of  game for us to  fill our free time)…but i added a friendly preface into the relation. I was just standing beside him whenever he needed me till I realized bitterly he was never with me. I left him. He apologized and i forgave. Love was still prevailing on my side but now we were not seeing each other even as a friend.  At the background i kept track of his every movement as long as i was able to do so…i was still hopeful (hopeful at least to have him back as a friend, true friend!) but he never looked back to me (even for a second). One day i was the closest person to him and the next day he even did not remember my name!

What happened next…Well, i cried for my years wasted upon “that guy” for nothing, and i tried hard, struggled to gain the lost but precious people back step by step and i decided not to walk on the wrong path again….as another cliche “Even foolishness has a limit!”

Now i have no idea what he does, i have no idea he remembers me or not, i have no idea what i did to him to deserve all these…But good news…i achieved to choose a new path just lying in front of me now…turning my love bitterly into hatred!

Dear Diary, i never knew what he had in his mind all throughout the time…

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Dring dring….

Who the hell is it  in the middle of the night calling him again and again?! Good news, it is of course ME! Best part of  this game is to hear ringing of international call just before he picks up the call…dringg drinnggg (once)

I can imagine him trying to reach his cell moving reluctantly in his warm bed half awake, half dreamy with his messed hair and in his dark coloured pyjamas longing to go back to sleep…dringg dringgg (second time)…I am sure he must be abusing at the same time as he is quite bored of these calls with no use to anyone…dringg dringgg (third time)…He must be in a deep sleep tonight or planning not to pick up! ehh! Drinngg drinngg (fourth time). Then comes the sound of “Answer the Call” button….”Click”…And that scary voice loaded with anger…fast and furious…”Hello!”…”Hel—lloooo!!” Then comes my giggling only to myself being happy once again after achieving to irritate him. I always knew or he made me realize that lately he gets irriated each time we get in touch in a way or another (or by force!) hence i developed a habit of irritating him quite often with my calls without saying a word…(No, i’m not lying or am i? No, it is not just to hear his voice! Am i that stupid? No, I cannot be! How can one do that to herself? What happened to the concepts of honor, pride or self-respect? Since when they have taken shelter under self-humiliation?)

Oh my god! I guess he heard my giggling…Now comes the sound of “End the Call” button…”Click”…Eh! That is enough for tonight, after all he needs some sleep to be able to work tomorrow…

Me? No, I never sleep since I met him…

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Partially…

Echoing just a few words in my ear…as if specially selected from a past dialogue…“stupid”“love you too”…then darkness again…and once more “will never let you go”…And i don’t remember the rest…Some foggy faces, some unknown names, some strong feelings which i have difficulty in describing…It has no difference than losing yourself in an unfamiliar forest, you still don’t know which path to follow…just like me…I still don’t know whom to trust…

Doctor calls it “partial memory loss” and he claims my mind does it on purpose to run away from some bitter truths…however i call it “living behind a curtain” and i don’t know which truths my mind knows…

I am able to remember my far past, and i can remember the recent one as well…but i am helpless when it comes to the last 4 years…All i have is uncompleted sentences, some free words flying around me, some blurred faces as if reflected on a broken mirror…

I am scared…a lot…not because i am in such a situation but because of forgetting the people whom i should carry with me forever…My mind is too tired to struggle with that, best thing is to close my eyes i believe even if i cannot sleep…but the “ghost words” haunt me even then…This time in an unknown language…not familiar to me…I am even not sure whether i speak any other language than English…”pyaar“…”repeat it mujhe tumse”…silence…“repeat it, come on stupid”…The same velvet voice…again echoing in my ears…

I don’t know when i will be complete the puzzle, when i will put the right pieces in their places…May be i better let it go uncompleted…May be i should consider this “illness” as a gift by God…Just partially…

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COINCIDENCE

It was the time when the high-heeled shoes started to hurt her feet, yet she did not feel like giving up shopping. Randomly, she entered another store to buy a pair of shoes—of course red—After changing her shoes and feeling such a relief on her feet, she decided to go to the bookstore to get the books she ordered last week.

While she was careful with her accelerated steps, she was checking the book list at the same time. Her extreme care with her walk did not prevent her from dashing against someone. Now her shopping bags were everywhere. She frowned and kneeled down to gather her stuff without paying attention to the person, who was now also kneeled down across to her. There was no sorry, no excuse, no help offer from his side. He just stood still even without blinking.

She stood up saying sorry herself but he was still on his knees. She heard him saying “Forgive me!” She said “No problem as long as we are not hurt, right?” She was still busy with her shopping stuff. He repeated “You should forgive me.” Then she came to recognize his voice and looked at him. The very same person who had made her fall in love with himself, letting her be deceived by him, then moving ahead into another life leaving her behind without making even a brief explanation.

He repeated for the third time, “Please forgive me, and let me explain, please.” There was the familiar anger in her eyes. Without pausing between the words, she said, “You are my past, yet you ruined my present, now let me catch up with my future.” Then she turned her back and kept walking, letting the man remain on his knees.

He did not know whether she ever forgave him or not, nor did she!

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SNOWFLAKE…

First snowflake of the year. She focused her looks on the calendar to confirm the date once more – – 3rd of February – – her birthday.

She woke up earlier today although it was weekend. She opened the curtains to a white world and started to watch the snow even without blinking her eyes. Each time a snowflake reached the ground and melted in the soil, she remembered him. Each time a snowflake was gone with the wind in the air carelessly here and there, she remembered him. And each time a snowflake fell onto the window smiling at her with a soft and calm move, she remembered him.

 

It was her birthday so the time was not proper to think about him, to remember him or frankly speaking to miss him. That would put her into an expectation, expecting a call for her birthday as his velvet-like voice, his warm smile contrasting to the cold whether would be the best gift she could ever have in her entire life, yet he had forgotten her last birthday.

 

She looked at the watch, it was 8 am. She tried to calculate the time in Ontario. It must have passed the midnight. He must have been sleeping already. For a short while, she got lost in her mind surrounded by the thoughts all about him. She thought they never watched the same moon at the same time, they never blinked at the sun at the same time, they never got wet under the same rain, and they never breathed the same air or never felt the cold face of the same snow…

 

That was nothing more than nonsense. She always thought she ended this issue in her mind months ago but her heart was against her as usual. Trying to divert her attention from him to something else she took a few steps towards the kitchen. All of a sudden she realized something on the carpet. A hairclip with blue-pink butterfly on it, the pair of which was sent to him a year ago in an envelope full of love and hope. Now she did not have enough courage to take it from the ground or to handle the situation itself. Right now this tiny hairclip let her dig her past deeper and deeper. She remembered how they used to imagine a day to spend together. A day in Ontario, on a lonely street buried into silence with the snow covering the whole city.

They would be walking hand in hand slowly, silently feeling each other more on each step. They would let the snow hide their footprints they left on the snowy road.

He would be smoking at the same time. She never had any special reason but she always had the impression that he looked more charming while smoking. After a long walk they would be sitting on a cold bench not even minding its being wet by snow. They would be looking each other’s eyes searching for the traces of love more and more until feeling satisfied. Her nose would be reddish due to chilling wind and he would warm it by rubbing his nose onto hers. That would let her feel his breath on her face…

 

These daydreams were going on for hours each time they called each other and just before they end the call, they used to repeat their promise given by heart: “No matter what happens, no matter where we are, no matter how old we are, no matter with whomever we are, we will meet at least once before we die!”.

She heard his voice echoing in her ear as if it was just whispered. She realized the bitter truth of the world once again. Different nations, different cultures, different religions, and parents isolating their children from this “difference”.

 

The voice in her ear carried on: “I know we have no end but I promise you I will be yours and only yours forever. Can you promise me as well?”

She whispered to herself “I promise”.

As soon as she finished her sentence the phone rang. Before daring to hear who it was, she checked the time again. It was 8:45 am. She picked it up. That familiar soft voice:

“Happy Birthday Ducky!”

 

Although she was longing for this call, hence waiting for it, she was shocked and had no words to speak. For a while they stayed silent. Then the guy carried on:

“Don’t you want to know about your birthday gift?”

“Even this meant a lot. Thank you for your nice behavior.”

“No, no…ask about your gift!”

“Ok then, what is my birthday gift?”

“A flight ticket!”

“Ticket? For me?”

“No, actually for myself.”

“For yourself? Ok, but to where?”

“To you!”

 

Just then another snowflake fell on the window slipping downwards smiling at her…

 

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Call-Disconnected

Girl: Talk to me, please talk to me!

Boy: Silence

Girl: Say something, good or bad!

Boy: Silence

Girl: Damn it!

Boy: Silence

Girl: Don’t leave me!

Boy: Silence

Girl: Do you hear me?

Boy: Silence

Girl: I want you back!

Boy: Silence

Girl: What should I do?

Boy: Silence

Girl: Don’t make me crazy, say something!

Boy: I don’t love you!

Girl: Silence

 

Call disconnected.

 

A year later.

 

Boy: Hey!

Girl: Who is speaking?

Boy: Me, your stupid!

Girl: Sorry but who are you exactly?

Boy: Did not you recognize me?

Girl: Should I?

Boy: Come on!

Girl: Sorry, I don’t know you

Boy: Don’t act like that; you know me very well.

Girl: May be!

Boy: Uh! May be?

Girl: Yea…

Boy: Do you wonder why I called?

Girl: No

Boy: Hmmm…

Girl: Anyways, have a good day.

Boy: Hang on! I have something to say.

Girl: Then hurry up, I don’t have time.

Boy: I love you!

Girl: Silence

Boy: Talk to me, I love you so much.

Girl: I don’t love you.

 

Call disconnected.

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ON THE WAY TO LOVE

It had been quite a tiring journey for her but thinking of her target made her forget all the distress going on for hours. When she was about to get on the plane, butterflies were moving their wings in her stomach, felt like a little kid on her first day at school. She kept imagining him, how he would meet her, whether he was excited just like her, whether he was impatient too…Yet she did not know the answers to any of these questions. This was the first time she had ever been abroad and she was told Ontario was really cold at this month.

 

Finally she got her luggage and managed to get out of airport. He was supposed to meet her at the gate outside. Her eyes started to go through every figure which did look like him. It seemed he had not arrived yet, so her impatience kept increasing with every minute spent while waiting. It had been one hour now and he was nowhere around. She dialed his cell number with hesitating fingers and she heard that routine female voice giving the bad news that his number was out of use. But how come?! She had called him last week to give the flight details; she had heard his sweet but manly voice just a week ago.

 

She felt helpless for a moment and was unable to think of what to do due to extreme panic. Then she sat on a bench and searched for something in her handbag. She took out her agenda and went through the pages with a fast move but her upset face showed she had forgotten to note down his address. Now her cheek had gone red, heartbeats accelerated and she started to sweat due the adverse event she was in. This must have been a nightmare, she would scream and wake up soon at a dark room but no; she was totally awake and aware of the situation.

 

She had almost lost all her hopes when a brilliant idea came to her mind. She took her cell out and began to scan all the names in the list and there it was…His home mate’s number was sparkling just in front of her like a unique stone. She felt as if she found some water in the desert. She dialed the number her inside thrilling and it started to ring. Those few seconds were like centuries to her. Then a strange voice replied:

-Hello.

-Hi, I am Fahad’s friend. I am at the airport right now. I called him but did not reach.

-Well, he is not at home.

-Ok, and his number does not work, you know any other number that I can contact him?

– Well, no I don’t know his new number.

– You mean he changed his number?!

– Yes. By the way who are you exactly?

– mmm I m his girlfriend, his fiancée actually. May be he told you about me.

-Hmmm. He did not mention about you. Where are you from?

-Italy.

– Ahan.

– Ok, but when will he be back home? Any idea?

– He won’t be.

– What do you mean?

– He went back to Pakistan for his marriage!

– What marriage?

– His fiancée was a Paki just like himself. And I guess this is a joke what you are doing right now….

 

She ended the call without saying anything further as she was unable to hear or speak. She was trembling. This was the only sign showing that she was alive; all other senses of hers were all gone. People kept looking at this stranger sitting on the bench hugging a medium-sized luggage. Some even asked her what had happened but she did not hear them, did not see them even.

 

When the night fell, she hardly managed to go to the reservation desk dragging her luggage behind, looked at the official with frozen eyes and said “Give me a ticket for Pakistan!”

 

 

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NIGHT OF LOVE

He was looking out of the window of the top floor of the hotel, his eyes locked on the horizon, when the door was knocked twice. He thought she was on time; they could watch the sunset together sitting on the terrace feeling the chilling wind on their faces. That was the best place also to be close to the clouds….He always imagined to be one of them flowing in the air without knowing where to go with the next rain.

 

He touched the door-handle feeling its cold steel. Was he afraid of? But afraid of what? Of being on a foreign land? Of regretting later for what he was going to do soon? Or of hurting her? He knew there would be no return once he opened the door. But what would happen afterwards? He didn’t want to overstrain his mind any further and opened the door.

 

She was there looking at him innocently with excited eyes. She seemed nervous to him, he was also having difficulty in controlling his breath. No matter how hard he tried, his chest moving upward and downward in a fast rhythm showed that he was impatient.

“Welcome, please come in”, he said with his ever-cute smile.

“Thank you”, she said and stepped inside slowly with hesitating feet.

He realized she was avoiding him, she was just abstaining from looking at him.

“Relax”, he said trying to sooth her.

It made her more tensed as she felt as if he caught her while peeking at him. She did not say anything but her blushing cheeks talked on her name.

This was the first time they were so close and so real.

 

With a burning sprit, he dragged her towards himself. Now there was no space between them. She closed her eyes and she did not open them until they turned into one soul.

 

She was in bed when she opened her eyes at last. She looked at the white ceiling; it was not familiar at all. Her eyes crawled on the walls for a while like a small spider tying to discover its environment. Then she realized his hand was still holding hers tightly.

 

 

Sun was reflecting its first morning lights on her which made her twinkle. She did not know what to do, what to think, what to feel. She watched him for a while. He was looking so innocent as ever. She kissed his forehead as if getting a souvenir for herself that would remind her of him wherever she would be later on. She had made up her mind. She did not want to occupy neither his mind nor hers. She did not want to be a trouble or a matter of worry for him. There was nothing else to do because they could not have a shared future. It was impossible no matter how much she wanted to be his forever. Yes, best thing was to disappear as if she never entered his life.

 

He woke up now and first thing he did was to search for her hand. He saw the right side of the bed was empty. He looked for a trace proving her presence in the room. There was nothing and there was noone. She had gone…

They did not hear from each other again. And none was able to know whether it was a night of love or not…

 

 

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