Archive for the ‘Rambling’ Category

Choti is back (though temporarily) like a bat…yet staying awake both day and night…Days are like delicate butterflies which just runs away even before touching its wing and nights are like owls which wait patiently for the sun to greet the earth…Got a clue how i have been?? Of course as busy as ever, tired yet happy….Houseworks, home-office, my naughtyyyy twins, tiny tiny leisure time activities make up a day of mine.

As for my hobbies…lately i watched Black Swan which is a breath-taking movie and V for Vandetta which is an old yet awesome one both by Natalie Portman. Meanwhile i keep reading books among which i finished Yirminci Yüzyılda Paris (that is originally in French) by Jules Verne, Fatih-Harbiye by Peyami Safa, Gülünesi Aşklar by Milan Kundera, İstanbul (Hatıralar ve Şehir) by Orhan Pamuk.

Now it is 11.55 pm and i am lost among the translation projects…soon one of my boys will start to yell to request his night food and the other cutie will follow him on deep cries…afterwards a peaceful night sleep will take all of us into its arms, the lenght of which depends on my sweetos’ hunger 😀

This is all for now… a short ‘hey, i am still alive’ post from Choti 🙂

Do take care and stay in tune…


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Today i talked to you…You were not aware but i was…You were not conscious but i was…I kept talking and you kept your silence…I waited for a word to come out in your warm voice…Kabhi kabhi i heard a song and i thought you were singing for me…mann ki gali tu phuharoon si aa bheeg jaye mere khwabon ka kafila…Kabhi kabhi there echoed some lines and i thought you were murmuring…chaahe jo maanglo sab tumhare hai…And kabhi kabhi there were whispers and i thought you were back to me..chal apna rang dikha dena thumka mere sang laga lena…

I kept talking and you kept your silence…till the time i woke up…

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  1. Spend more and more and more time with the turtle and the hippopotamus (my twins) (Any chance to make a day 48 hours rather than 24?!).
  2. Earn more and spend less (Tell me how?!).
  3. Spare more time for reading (deemed to be still a dream as the time flies away and books reside peacefully on the shelves!).
  4. See more movies (Sounds great and enjoyable yet for the time being a hallucination on a desert…).
  5. Try to stay more in touch with friends (except some!) (Friendship is precious and prove this to the ones who worth it! For the rest you can pile the mails in junk folder or leave the calls unanswered).
  6. Be more open to changes rather than sticking to the easy yet boring routine (Be brave my girl!).
  7. Try to write more (Productivity is the word!).
  8. Get a driving licence (Shame shame…don’t you have one yet?!).
  9. Why not having a car? (Not sure as i hate cars due to carsickness!).
  10. Keep up studying Hindi (I want to speak fluent Hindi…please please God give me the talent to speak this language. Oh man! I need a proper and regular teacher!)
  11. Come and check the above items time to time not to forget your targets throughout the year (Ok boss!).


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Dear ‘E’,

It has been quite long since we last heard from each other, or since our eyes touched each other, or since our fingertips felt the same cold on our faces, or since our lips met for the last time…

May be this is the reason i penned down this letter…to stop making sentences starting with ‘since’ and to replace it with ‘again’ like we are good friends again. Again it is my birthday and you forgat it again or you pretended to forget. I don’t know which would be more painful.

Remember…in the first year we met we had a huge celebration with an imaginary party and a cake too because of the distance between the time and the place (not between the hearts). The next year after that when we had already killed certain emotions, you had wished me with two lines zipped into a soulless mail. And the next year after that you were covered under silence and only replied my mail asking ‘where you have been’ with one word which was ‘sorry’. And the next year after that you even did not bother to reply back…

Dear ‘E’, i know sometimes it is hard to remember certain things but other times to forget. Now i don’t know again which has been sad for me…the fact that you forgat my birthday or you never tried to remember it?!

Heartbeat to heartbeat we survived for sometime and heartache to heartache our relation died…



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Bugün canım Türkçe yazmak istedi. Hem de büyük bir şevkle. Hem de ne hakkında yazacağımı bilmeksizin. Sonra birden okuduğum kitaba takıldı gözlerim. Orhan Pamuk’un “İstanbul, Hatıralar ve Şehir” adlı kitabı. Henüz daha başlarında olmama rağmen her bir satırı ayrı bir çocukluk anımı çağrıştıran kitap resmen içime işledi. Tam da bu sırada televizyonda onca dizinin arasında bünyesinde barındırdığı ‘Osman’ karakteri ile herkesi ekrana bağlayan (ve bol bol ağlatan) yeni bir dizinin, ‘Öyle Bir Geçer Zaman Ki”, fragmanı başladı. Tabi benim anılar daha bir depreşti…

Klişedir ama küçük film kareleri belirdi gözlerimin önünde…Yediği ‘Halley’ ambalajlarını atmayıp biriktiren, sonra evcilik oynarken bu yaldızlı ambalajları ellerine kollarına sürtüp sim niyetine kullanan üç kuzen…Teyzesinin evinin demiryolunun yakınında olmasını nimet bilen ve gazoz kapağı, çivi, vs. ne bulurlarsa rayların üzerine yerleştirip bir sonraki trenin gelmesini dört gözle bekleyen üç kuzen daha…Annelerinin sıkı tembihlerine aldırmayıp en yüksek erik ağaçlarını seçip tırmanan ve patlayana kadar midelerini erikle dolduran iki arkadaş…Diz boyu yağan karı sevinç çığlıklarıyla karşılayan ve henüz paltoları annelerinin elindeyken lastik botlarını giyip sokağa fırlayan ve bu anı küçük bir fotoğraf karesiyle ölümsüzleştiren iki kız kardeş…Anneannesine ziyarete gittiği köyün temiz havasını bir türlü yeterli görmeyip dağ tepe tırmanıp en sonunda kaybolan iki kuzen…ve insana huzur veren daha nice çocukluk anıları…

Ne derler bilirsiniz…her şeye rağmen çocukluk güzel şey doğrusu 🙂

Note for my foreign readers: I just felt like writing this post in my mother tongue because it was about a trip down the memory lane (childhood memories) and these are best reflected in its own language i strongly believe 🙂

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This morning, when the sun released its rays on my wall in the form of some sparkling lights, again ‘some hope’ filled deep inside me! ‘Some hope’ that is both triggered and hindered by the life itself. ‘Some hope’ that makes me strong enough to challenge every difficulty…that gives me the self-confidence to put up with the so-called bad side…that adds me the gift to see the right and to ignore the wrong.

Yet the very same ‘hope’ does not protect me from the thought that one day you will totally forget me as if i have never existed. And at this point this ‘some hope’ that seems like a success at first step just turns into a failure at the second!

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Ok, i do love rain for sure…i do love walking under some mild drizzle…i do love watching the raindrops hitting the window or i do love sleeping while hearing the rain like a lullaby, yet it is so frustrating when it rains each time i have to go out and especially when i forget to take an umbrella with me!!

Today was one of those days. When i woke up, the weather was so nice with the sun up there smiling at the earth. It was quite hot as well so i dressed up in thin and light-colored clothes and went out without even considering the idea of carrying an umbrella since it is just the middle of summer in Turkey which means it is unlikely for the weather to change its face from shiny rays to wet drops.

After taking a few steps on the street, the sky suddenly changed  its colour, rain clouds just formed a dark shadow and just then i felt the first drops. Thanksfully i was so close to underground and took a shelter there while travelling at the same time. After taking an underground train and then a bus, i arrived at my target spot when it started to rain cats and dogs!

Till now i was still dry to my bones. That was a success. Big time!

On the return way to home, it kept raining but at least slightly. Still the tiny drops managed to form wet spots on my t-shirt and loosen my tightly tied hair which was really annoying. I was not safe any more (in the middle of a street without any shelter and an umbrella) neither dry! And finally when i came home, i  was all messed up by look and was so tired due to this fight with bad weather. I know it is not the mansoon waves floading everywhere but it was still wet and cold!

Meantime, weirdly i was attacked by some butterflies three or four times while walking under rain. That was really absurd because instead of seeking shelter not to have their wings broken, the buttterflies were just flying directly towards human beings. I hardly saved my eye from these slow yet unexpected moves of these delicate creatures.

From this adventure of mine,

Lesson 1: No matter what carry an umbrella against unforeseeable rain episodes.

Lesson 2: No matter what carry sunglasses against unexpected guests such as butterflies 😛

Lesson 3: No matter what still keep loving the rainy weather as it is the most undispensible componant of romance 😀

Let me finish my rain-full sentences with rain-full scenes.



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The people around me all know that i am /used to be a coke addict. I even used to have my breakfast in company with coke instead of awakening coffee or tea or a refreshing fruit juice although i knew/know how unhealty it is/was. However, recently bad habit of mine had to change into a good one, that is to say, i had to quit coke (as i need to be careful about what i eat and drink due to breast-feeding) and started to drink lemonade instead.

Hence our new kitchen motto is “No coke ever again!”

Was it difficult for me?

Yes, i found it very difficult as if i was trying to quit smoking (thanks to God, i dont smoke!) YET each time i  pour the yellow chilling lemonade into a glass, i feel proudly that i am a mother 🙂

It was surprising for me that just a simple decision of what to drink to refresh myself during the hot summer of Turkey has shown me that motherhood just depends on priority and sacrifice, and that one’s child is always on the top of priority list!

As a side-note, in this way i started to care for my own health as well…like killing two birds with one stone, isnt it?? 😀

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Almost midnight…

The weather is spreading cold wave of air, even blowing ice on face…

The moon is up there, being unaware of the coming eclipse…

Shadows…frozen breaths…soulless bodies…

Sharp screams…the following deep silence…

Smell of forbidden love…friendship on the same boat with hostility…

Danger and caution…

They are back!

The (lovely) vampire story “Twilight Saga” is just going on with “Eclipse” which will be meeting the audience on the 30th of June…Fans are all on alert counting the days to meet the beautiful vampire family “The Cullens”, the extraordinary girl Bella Swan stuck between the vampires and the werewolves, and the scary yet gracious wolf gang…

Just last night i went through the previous parts of the “Twilight”  saga and “New Moon” to refresh the essential points in mind and to re-remember at what phase the story was pending…

If you are yet not included in the Twilight saga, get a glimpse of it from the following trailer and get ready to believe all those fairy tales and monster stories might just be true!

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I have never been so away from my blog (i.e. my diary) except the summer vacations and even on return i would always have a lot to share but now i am all blank. At least let me give you the reason of my diappearance for so much time: WORK. Being invited to participate in several business meetings here and there for the last couple of weeks, and at the same time trying to cope with new projects within limited time, i really felt knocked down, hence my bed have been my best friend rather than my computer lately!

I still blame myself for spending my days and nights without writing even a single note or news here, yet when i consider my days spent in rush, i reminded myself that “i have only 24 hours per day!”.

In the meantime, i still managed to see a few movies such as Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani (which was a really awful bad movie, Dulha Mil Gaya (it was chick-flick yet it was decorated with the esteemed appearance of SRK), Kurbaan (it was a really good one which kept me under effect for days and soundtrack was also nice to hear, especially Shukran Allah), and lastly i watched Slumdog Millionaire for the second time (with an utmost delight again).

That is all for the being. The busy girl will try to be back in blogsphere with more news hopefully soon…till then take care! 😀

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A simple question yet hard to reply…quite a long day and it hasn’t ended yet, which is full of meetings, hundreds of pages to be signed, pages of agendas to be followed, mails mails and mails to be read…At this step Choti Writer wants to reply as “i am reading a nice book by the window listening to drizzle and sipping from my hot chocolate”….or “i am lying down on my favourite sofa, watching a romantic comedy forgetting all about the serious issues of the world and eating a huge bowl of pop-corns dropping them here and there…laziness to the end!”


Unfortunately these are nothing but my sincere daydreams or goals of coming weekend to be realized if i am lucky to spare some time…

So the question is still unanswered…what is Choti Writer doing?

It is 4.40 pm, i am still at the office just giving a break to fight with the warrior of sleep hence having difficulty keeping my eyes open and having my distracted attention to focus back on its way! Right now Choti Writer is too tired for the day hence looking for an escape…

Was it a bit demoralizing? Well, considering that the night hopefully will be a better time to spend totally for myself, therefore giving me a blink of hope, i can say i am feeling better 😀

Okkkk..it is your turn now! What are you doing right now?

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It happened again. Just for one second only but I got the same feeling. Shy sparkles coming out of my eyes, accelerated heartbeats, difficulty in breathing. It happened again. I felt the same love. It happened again. My soul got alive like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It happened again. Just for one second only.

Then a wave of regret without remorse shaded everywhere. Then the heart was dipped into cold. Then the soul was sentenced to dark. Then you went. Then i died…

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379,http_%2F%2Fa323.yahoofs.com%2Fymg%2Fbetterhomesgardens%2Fbetterhomesgardens-377900843-1164252051.jpg%3FymWaVrAD9yEFriends, true friends, are very important and precious for us, right? And it requires a very hard-work to earn a true friendship and to maintain it, right? And there are invisible separators between colleagues, acquintances, friends and best friends, right? I am asking all these questions because i started to put my friendships under scope one by one as i have been very lonely lately although i have many friends/best friends!

Sometimes you go through many things in life and you share them with your mothers, fathers, sisters and husbands…but you still feel incomplete without sharing it with your best friends, right? Lets have a closer look to my gang (best friends). One fell in love lately and now she is totally blind and closed to outer world. Another is like a ghost for a week or so, God knows which trekking team he joined again or which girl he is hunting 😛 Another is being a businessman, he is extremely busy. Another is married with children so she is always occupied and she has no time for others. Another kindly told me that he doesn’t have time so our friendship is just restricted to “Hi” and “How are you?” mails.

Sometimes i feel that i choose wrong people as a friend as i consider them faulty and other  times this situation makes me feel that i don’t know how to maintain a friendship and that hurts me deep.

Still as Martin Luther King Jr. suggests,

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends!

Image courtesy: 


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The more dead, the less alive…

Others are living their lives while i am killing mine…while i am dying day by day…

Separating a part of mine from the whole with every new day…shattering my soul into millions of pieces…

Burning my say in the heat of silence…hiding the sparkles in my eyes behind my eyelids…

Burying my smile into my tears…

The more i am dead, and the less alive…

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sad_and_lonely_by_Sepia_Club1One of those days…i’m waking up and you are there with me in my mind…as if being awake (alive) equals to you!

One of those days…you are with me whole day…while holding my pen (feeling your fingers in my hand), while reading a page (my eyes meet yours), while drinking water (like tasting your salty lips) or smelling the air (filling my whole being with your soul)!

One of those days…i have been carrying you with me whole day again…the sun is about to set…you are now the reflection in my eyes or the hope in my heart to see the sparkling stars in the dark sky (thinking that you might be looking at the same star)…or the slight cloud hiding the moon..or the mild breeze blowing my hair!

One of those days…i’m falling into sleep…now you are the bridge between my consicence and my dreams!

One of those days…my loneliness is doubled!

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