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Archive for October, 2010

I was making one of my boys sleep when i heard some soft melody in Hindi…I thought my netbook was on (so youtube was active) but it wasn’t…Then i noticed that footprints of the song were heading towards the other room where my hubby was busy with his laptop…so the result came out: My hubby was listening to Hindi music, that is too a classic which even i hadn’t heard before (My gosh! after my twins now it was my hubby’s turn to get enchanted by these mystic hindi melodies!?)

Here is the song together with its video: Jaiye Aap Kahan Jayenge from the movie Mere Sanam.

Do not hesitate to enjoy!

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Bugün canım Türkçe yazmak istedi. Hem de büyük bir şevkle. Hem de ne hakkında yazacağımı bilmeksizin. Sonra birden okuduğum kitaba takıldı gözlerim. Orhan Pamuk’un “İstanbul, Hatıralar ve Şehir” adlı kitabı. Henüz daha başlarında olmama rağmen her bir satırı ayrı bir çocukluk anımı çağrıştıran kitap resmen içime işledi. Tam da bu sırada televizyonda onca dizinin arasında bünyesinde barındırdığı ‘Osman’ karakteri ile herkesi ekrana bağlayan (ve bol bol ağlatan) yeni bir dizinin, ‘Öyle Bir Geçer Zaman Ki”, fragmanı başladı. Tabi benim anılar daha bir depreşti…

Klişedir ama küçük film kareleri belirdi gözlerimin önünde…Yediği ‘Halley’ ambalajlarını atmayıp biriktiren, sonra evcilik oynarken bu yaldızlı ambalajları ellerine kollarına sürtüp sim niyetine kullanan üç kuzen…Teyzesinin evinin demiryolunun yakınında olmasını nimet bilen ve gazoz kapağı, çivi, vs. ne bulurlarsa rayların üzerine yerleştirip bir sonraki trenin gelmesini dört gözle bekleyen üç kuzen daha…Annelerinin sıkı tembihlerine aldırmayıp en yüksek erik ağaçlarını seçip tırmanan ve patlayana kadar midelerini erikle dolduran iki arkadaş…Diz boyu yağan karı sevinç çığlıklarıyla karşılayan ve henüz paltoları annelerinin elindeyken lastik botlarını giyip sokağa fırlayan ve bu anı küçük bir fotoğraf karesiyle ölümsüzleştiren iki kız kardeş…Anneannesine ziyarete gittiği köyün temiz havasını bir türlü yeterli görmeyip dağ tepe tırmanıp en sonunda kaybolan iki kuzen…ve insana huzur veren daha nice çocukluk anıları…

Ne derler bilirsiniz…her şeye rağmen çocukluk güzel şey doğrusu 🙂

Note for my foreign readers: I just felt like writing this post in my mother tongue because it was about a trip down the memory lane (childhood memories) and these are best reflected in its own language i strongly believe 🙂

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Time changes everything, everyone, every mind, every heart, every face, every look, every word and every world, except mine!

The relation between us was not initiated officially, we were never officially-declared lovers, and in the same way the relation between him and me did not come to end officially either. No one declared but both sides were aware it was over. An abrupt end.

However, in my case, “The End” led to a new start, start of a unilateral love. When i closed my eyes, he was still the only man i desired. After all how can time change/affect a true love?!

Not a slight difference one could realize in the feelings i kept for him, and i assumed “the change” never visited him as well. He was still mine, he was still loving. I did not consider “The time” and “The place/distance” until today.

I received an official declaration stating the things between him and me were gone. I sensed he was still smiling while saying he did not have the same feelings for me as he did.

I was not surprised at all as i already knew i had never meant anything for him, but it was giving pain to hear all these directly from him.

I have kept acting on the same scene trying to produce just one play without a clear success. Now i lost my reason to live in real sense, to keep my heart alive. But what can i say “All in the game”!

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“Napolyon olduğunu sürekli düşlemekten hoşlanan adamla, kendini Napolyon sanan adam arasındaki fark, mutlu hayalci ile mutsuz şizofren arasındaki farktır.”

From İstanbul, Hatıralar ve Şehir by Orhan Pamuk

(The difference between the man who likes to dream non-stop that he is Napoleon and the man who thinks that he is Napolean is the same difference between the happy dreamer and the unhappy schizophrene.)

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TO SUCCEED A FAILURE

This morning, when the sun released its rays on my wall in the form of some sparkling lights, again ‘some hope’ filled deep inside me! ‘Some hope’ that is both triggered and hindered by the life itself. ‘Some hope’ that makes me strong enough to challenge every difficulty…that gives me the self-confidence to put up with the so-called bad side…that adds me the gift to see the right and to ignore the wrong.

Yet the very same ‘hope’ does not protect me from the thought that one day you will totally forget me as if i have never existed. And at this point this ‘some hope’ that seems like a success at first step just turns into a failure at the second!

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