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Archive for January 19th, 2009

I swallowed the pill without focusing on its side effects…and i cannot deny i fall asleep thinking about him (visualizing can be a better word may be) trying to re-remember his every gesture although it was not an easy task for me any more as his face was more like a slight puzzle difficult to collect and to combine the pieces.

As soon as my eyelids lost the game, i started to dream about him. After my memories, now he was in my dreams. I did not want this to happen. The more i kept away from him the better it was for me, but after all how could i manage my dreams, i even could not manage a simple and small heart.

He was there just in front of my eyes, talking (indeed murmuring) slowly and softly (as he used to do) trying to show me that he was busy (as usual). He was working, so was I, but my attention was often ready to be distracted by him altough he never wanted to do so…even his look at me for a second was enough to take me to somewhere else (somewhere cold and snowy). He said “i am hungry” and i laughed as I used to make fun of him calling him “fatty” (although he always looked so cool with his figure). Then he ordered pizza (so romantic isn’t it?) and refused to share with me (how sad! we used to share a lot EARLIER). He offered me coke with a happy smile (as it was our favourite drink) but i refused saying Doctor does not allow me to drink coke, then he frowned and continued his eating with an ever-lasting appetite and i watched him with eyes full of ever-lasting love…

He was done with his eating and smiled at me again as if he was realizing me in the room for the first time. He came closer to me still smiling. Now my face was so close to his and our breaths just wrapped each other. I know he would leave in a few minutes. Suddenly I put my arms around his neck as if he is the closest person to me (but infact he was just a stranger) I hugged him as tight as i can even to prevent our breathing till we merged into one body, one soul…I buried myself on his chest and let his hearbeats fill my ears…let his charming smell make me dizzy…and meanwhile his hands were hesitant, indecisive about what to do.

Then he hugged me softly which was like a magic. I never felt so safe and relieved in my life before. Finally i had found peace and wished the same for him.

I opened my eyes slowly. Magic was over…my heart was in pain again…It was awesome to have him back but it was just a dream which was quite killing…hence i decided “no more sleeping pills!”

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