Archive for July 11th, 2008


He was looking out of the window of the top floor of the hotel, his eyes locked on the horizon, when the door was knocked twice. He thought she was on time; they could watch the sunset together sitting on the terrace feeling the chilling wind on their faces. That was the best place also to be close to the clouds….He always imagined to be one of them flowing in the air without knowing where to go with the next rain.


He touched the door-handle feeling its cold steel. Was he afraid of? But afraid of what? Of being on a foreign land? Of regretting later for what he was going to do soon? Or of hurting her? He knew there would be no return once he opened the door. But what would happen afterwards? He didn’t want to overstrain his mind any further and opened the door.


She was there looking at him innocently with excited eyes. She seemed nervous to him, he was also having difficulty in controlling his breath. No matter how hard he tried, his chest moving upward and downward in a fast rhythm showed that he was impatient.

“Welcome, please come in”, he said with his ever-cute smile.

“Thank you”, she said and stepped inside slowly with hesitating feet.

He realized she was avoiding him, she was just abstaining from looking at him.

“Relax”, he said trying to sooth her.

It made her more tensed as she felt as if he caught her while peeking at him. She did not say anything but her blushing cheeks talked on her name.

This was the first time they were so close and so real.


With a burning sprit, he dragged her towards himself. Now there was no space between them. She closed her eyes and she did not open them until they turned into one soul.


She was in bed when she opened her eyes at last. She looked at the white ceiling; it was not familiar at all. Her eyes crawled on the walls for a while like a small spider tying to discover its environment. Then she realized his hand was still holding hers tightly.



Sun was reflecting its first morning lights on her which made her twinkle. She did not know what to do, what to think, what to feel. She watched him for a while. He was looking so innocent as ever. She kissed his forehead as if getting a souvenir for herself that would remind her of him wherever she would be later on. She had made up her mind. She did not want to occupy neither his mind nor hers. She did not want to be a trouble or a matter of worry for him. There was nothing else to do because they could not have a shared future. It was impossible no matter how much she wanted to be his forever. Yes, best thing was to disappear as if she never entered his life.


He woke up now and first thing he did was to search for her hand. He saw the right side of the bed was empty. He looked for a trace proving her presence in the room. There was nothing and there was noone. She had gone…

They did not hear from each other again. And none was able to know whether it was a night of love or not…



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It has been a long time since I last saw you

I was crying then and you were worried

You just murmured “dont know what to say”

And i replied “i know as i love you”


Your eyes already said no to me

And your body had turned its back suddenly

You were ready to go forever

And i was ready to die


I still hear your steps on the stairs

I still remember how hard it was to stay behind the door

I still see your face looking back at me over your shoulder

And i still love you!



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Phone Rings

Phone rings…

Boy: Hello.

Girl: Silence.

Boy: Hello (with a sharp voice).

Girl: Silence (thinking she may lose herself in his voice forgetting all about the rest of the world whirling around her).

Boy: Hello!! (This time a bit furious and feeling disturbed in the middle of the night due to the time difference between two continents).

Girl: Ends the call (with a heart beating more and more every passing time).


Looking back into past, calculating the balance of pain and happiness he gave her till now…pain gets heavier. Is she able to see this fact? Love is blinding her eyes right now. She feels the bitter taste of experience in her but at the same time she knows she can forget everything else that happened to her till now because he is the best thing in her life (or she believes in fairy tales).


Phone rings (again).

Boy: Hello.

Girl: Hi, it’s me.

Boy: Hey.

Girl: Sorry, it was me last time calling you by mistake; my cell was in my pocket and…(before she completes her sentence…)

Boy: it is ok.

Girl: hmm ok. Take care then. Bye.

Boy: Yea, bye.


Now she feels ashamed of herself as she lied to him and also let him lie to herself for so long. What he has till now, what he feels, what he expresses, or what he tries to render till now was not love! No matter how much she wants it to be so!

With a sudden rush in her blood flow due to anger of all those years, and feeling like challenging a liar against her true love,


Phone rings (once more).

Boy: Yea.

Girl: It’s me again.

Boy: Hmm.

Girl: I lied to you. I missed you; I wanted to hear your voice; that’s why I called you.

Boy: Smiles. (may be feeling pampered without knowing that these simple but honest words win the battle). You can call me any time (he continues).

Girl: But you sound as if you don’t want to talk to me (she is braver with her words now).

Boy: There is nothing like that, why do you always think negative? Nothing like that. You can call me any time you want.

Girl: Silence. (Thinks for a second…”I WANT, WHAT ABOUT YOU?”…She doesn’t express herself this time because she comes to know the person across the line is not the same person she fell for 3 years ago).

Boy: So what’s up, how are you?

Girl: I am under tension.

Boy: Why, What happened?

Girl: Silence. (What happened? She tries to be calm, consoles herself… don’t bother, don’t worry, don’t cry).

Boy: Why? (Asks again).

Girl: Because of you. I cannot forget you. (She brandishes her sword once more against him in this war of love).

Boy: Silence for a moment and comes the killing sentence. I don’t know what to say!


She can hardly say “ok”….trying to hide her tears but her cracked voice let him get that idea.


Boy: Please don’t cry.

Girl: Ok, I’ll call you later (she lies as she will never call him back again).

Boy: Ok, bye. (He doesn’t try to stop the girl to bury herself under agony as he always chooses to run away when the true emotions come to surface).


With a mixture of all kind of feelings stirring inside, and seeing her past with him like a film strip, she turns her face across the cold blowing wind to regain her conscious and to come to her senses. While he was previously loading her with his excessive amount of love, what changed now? She knows she will never be able to find the answer. She whispers to herself tasting the salty tear on her lower lip “Sometimes conditions take you to wherever you are now and this is called life”.


She looks at the phone screen for the last time.


Call ended!


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Humanly feeling…

One cannot understand the importance of someone
Till he is lost in the flow of life….

One cannot feel the essense of someone

Till he is lost in the beat of heart….

No matter where you are lost, i still feel you in each and every beat of my heart and this feeling will remain exactly the same as long as i m alive…and after i die, the first thing i ll beg from God will be to re-gain this humanly feeling!!!


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